THREE WEEKS AGO, OUR FAMILY WENT INTO A HUGE STRUGGLE IN OUR FINANCES. WE HELPED A RELATIVE FINANCIALLY AND WE DIDN’T EXPECT THAT IN THE COMING DAYS, WE WILL RUN OUT OF MONEY. IT IS IN THOSE MOMENTS I SEE GLIMPSE OF HOPELESSNESS AND HATRED FOR MY RELATIVES WHO HAD BEEN DEPENDENT ON US FOR A LONG YEARS. IT EVEN CAME TO A POINT WHERE MY MOTHER AND I FIGHT OVER THINGS LIKE HELPING OUR RELATIVE FOR LONG YEARS NOW, WHERE IN THE EARTH WE WILL GO TO GET MONEY FOR OUR DAILY MEAL, TRANSPORTATION AND THE LIKES.
THERE WAS A FIRE OF HATRED BURNING IN MY HEART FOR OUR RELATIVE. FOR ME, HELPING PEOPLE IN NEED IS AN ACT OF KINDNESS AND BEING A CHRISTIAN, I SHOULD BE LIKE JESUS. I AM TOO CLOUDED WITH HATRED. I WANT THEM TO STOP RELYING ON US. IT WAS NOT OUR FAULT THAT THEY ARE A LARGE FAMILY WITH MORE THAN 8 KIDS. IT WAS NOT OUR FAULT THAT THEY ARE SUFFERING NOW. WE, MY FAMILY, ARE SUFFERING TOO. BUT WE MANAGED TO SURVIVE. IF WE CAN, THEY CAN TOO.
I KEPT ON PRAYING, DAY AND NIGHT, ASKING GOD TO HELP ME AND EVEN ASKED FOR FORGIVENESS FOR CURSING OUR RELATIVE. I HAVE SAVINGS BUT I AM NOT PRETTY SURE IF IT CAN SUSTAIN US UNTIL THE END OF THE YEAR. CONSTANT PRAYERS. I EVEN DO FASTING. I STILL FEEL BAD AT THEM AND I OPTED TO JUST INCLUDE THEM IN PRAYERS. I DON’T WANT TO HAVE FIGHTS WITH MY MOTHER IN THE FIRST PLACE.
SO HERE COMES NOVEMBER 19, 2013…
I GOT A CALL FROM MY SISTER, MAE.
MAE: HI SIS! YOU HAVE A MAIL AND I’M SORRY IF I OPENED IT. THERE IS AN URGE IN ME, I DON’T KNOW WHY.
ME: NO, IT’S FINE. WHAT IS THE MAIL ALL ABOUT? IS IT MY PHONE BILL? LET ME GUESS, FOR A FUCK**G SAKE, A LETTER FROM OUR AUNT BORROWING MONEY FROM US AGAIN? ARGH!
MAE: NO, SIS. DON’T GET SHOCK. DON’T YELL. SIS… YOU JUST WON! *SCREAMS* OMG! *SCREAMS*
ME: WAIT, WHAT? STOP SCREAMING. I DON’T UNDERSTAND A THING. DID YOU JUST SAY I WON? I WON A WHAT? A CAR? HOUSE AND LOT? WHAT? I DON’T NEED THOSE. I NEED MONEY! MONEY!
MAE: YOU WON 8 THOUSAND. SIS, GIFT CERTIFICATES.
ME: *STILL TRYING TO PROCESS WHAT I WON* I DON’T NEED THAT! I NEED MONEY.
MAE: SIS, THIS IS EQUIVALENT TO MONEY TOO. SINCE IT IS FROM A SUPERMARKET, WE CAN HAVE NOW FOOD FOR OUR CHRISTMAS EVE.
ME: *ENLIGHTENS* AND WE CAN BUY NOW OUR TOILETRIES AND SNACKS THAT WE CAN STOCK ON OUR REFRIGERATOR. WE CAN EVEN BUY A SACK OF RICE!
MAE: YES, SIS. YES. *CRYING*
ME: THANK YOU LORD! THANK YOU LORD! *SOBS*
WHEN GOD BLESSES US WITH ANYTHING, HE INTENDS FOR THOSE BLESSINGS TO SPEAK OF HIS GOODNESS. GOD OWNS EVERYTHING, AND THE FACT THAT HE HAS BLESSED US IS A TESTIMONY TO HIS LOVE. IF YOU ASK THE LORD TO REVEAL ANY REASONS WHY FINANCIAL BLESSINGS ARE BEING WITHHELD, OR REASONS WHY YOU’RE GOING THROUGH SOME THINGS YOU’RE GOING THROUGH, GOD WILL SHOW YOU. OBEDIENCE, REPENTANCE AND GENEROSITY TOWARDS OTHERS UNLOCK HIS HAND.
LORD, THANK YOU FOR ALL THE BLESSINGS AND GRACE THAT YOU HAVE GIVEN TO MY FAMILY AND TO ME. YOU ARE TRULY A FAITHFUL GOD. MY FINANCES ARE IN CRISIS AND ARE CAUSING ME GREAT PAIN. BUT YOU HEARD MY PRAYERS. FATHER GOD, YOU ARE THE SOURCE OF ALL MY SUSTENANCE. THANK YOU.
THERE WAS A FIRE OF HATRED BURNING IN MY HEART FOR OUR RELATIVE. FOR ME, HELPING PEOPLE IN NEED IS AN ACT OF KINDNESS AND BEING A CHRISTIAN, I SHOULD BE LIKE JESUS. I AM TOO CLOUDED WITH HATRED. I WANT THEM TO STOP RELYING ON US. IT WAS NOT OUR FAULT THAT THEY ARE A LARGE FAMILY WITH MORE THAN 8 KIDS. IT WAS NOT OUR FAULT THAT THEY ARE SUFFERING NOW. WE, MY FAMILY, ARE SUFFERING TOO. BUT WE MANAGED TO SURVIVE. IF WE CAN, THEY CAN TOO.
I KEPT ON PRAYING, DAY AND NIGHT, ASKING GOD TO HELP ME AND EVEN ASKED FOR FORGIVENESS FOR CURSING OUR RELATIVE. I HAVE SAVINGS BUT I AM NOT PRETTY SURE IF IT CAN SUSTAIN US UNTIL THE END OF THE YEAR. CONSTANT PRAYERS. I EVEN DO FASTING. I STILL FEEL BAD AT THEM AND I OPTED TO JUST INCLUDE THEM IN PRAYERS. I DON’T WANT TO HAVE FIGHTS WITH MY MOTHER IN THE FIRST PLACE.
SO HERE COMES NOVEMBER 19, 2013…
I GOT A CALL FROM MY SISTER, MAE.
MAE: HI SIS! YOU HAVE A MAIL AND I’M SORRY IF I OPENED IT. THERE IS AN URGE IN ME, I DON’T KNOW WHY.
ME: NO, IT’S FINE. WHAT IS THE MAIL ALL ABOUT? IS IT MY PHONE BILL? LET ME GUESS, FOR A FUCK**G SAKE, A LETTER FROM OUR AUNT BORROWING MONEY FROM US AGAIN? ARGH!
MAE: NO, SIS. DON’T GET SHOCK. DON’T YELL. SIS… YOU JUST WON! *SCREAMS* OMG! *SCREAMS*
ME: WAIT, WHAT? STOP SCREAMING. I DON’T UNDERSTAND A THING. DID YOU JUST SAY I WON? I WON A WHAT? A CAR? HOUSE AND LOT? WHAT? I DON’T NEED THOSE. I NEED MONEY! MONEY!
MAE: YOU WON 8 THOUSAND. SIS, GIFT CERTIFICATES.
ME: *STILL TRYING TO PROCESS WHAT I WON* I DON’T NEED THAT! I NEED MONEY.
MAE: SIS, THIS IS EQUIVALENT TO MONEY TOO. SINCE IT IS FROM A SUPERMARKET, WE CAN HAVE NOW FOOD FOR OUR CHRISTMAS EVE.
ME: *ENLIGHTENS* AND WE CAN BUY NOW OUR TOILETRIES AND SNACKS THAT WE CAN STOCK ON OUR REFRIGERATOR. WE CAN EVEN BUY A SACK OF RICE!
MAE: YES, SIS. YES. *CRYING*
ME: THANK YOU LORD! THANK YOU LORD! *SOBS*
WHEN GOD BLESSES US WITH ANYTHING, HE INTENDS FOR THOSE BLESSINGS TO SPEAK OF HIS GOODNESS. GOD OWNS EVERYTHING, AND THE FACT THAT HE HAS BLESSED US IS A TESTIMONY TO HIS LOVE. IF YOU ASK THE LORD TO REVEAL ANY REASONS WHY FINANCIAL BLESSINGS ARE BEING WITHHELD, OR REASONS WHY YOU’RE GOING THROUGH SOME THINGS YOU’RE GOING THROUGH, GOD WILL SHOW YOU. OBEDIENCE, REPENTANCE AND GENEROSITY TOWARDS OTHERS UNLOCK HIS HAND.
LORD, THANK YOU FOR ALL THE BLESSINGS AND GRACE THAT YOU HAVE GIVEN TO MY FAMILY AND TO ME. YOU ARE TRULY A FAITHFUL GOD. MY FINANCES ARE IN CRISIS AND ARE CAUSING ME GREAT PAIN. BUT YOU HEARD MY PRAYERS. FATHER GOD, YOU ARE THE SOURCE OF ALL MY SUSTENANCE. THANK YOU.